Wednesday, 31 December 2014

Time after time

This year runs too fast; from unemployed to a primary school teacher; my life changed drastically. I felt like I was suffocating most of the time having to cope with so many adulthood obligations. Too many little things have to be taken care of, the sudden need of having to socialize, and make new friends because of work slowly paralyzing my ability to withstand the pressure. My work have shaken my introverted self and everyday was tiring.

Apart from that, I failed to keep in touch with so many people whom I dearly care, have forgotten way too many birthdays, missed a few close friends' wedding, constantly feeling like a walking whale because I skipped running far too many time, and eat everything edible like a pig putting aside all my simple dietary plan which I used to have. Stress was merely a word, it's a religion. Waking up was a struggle. And I started to question my passion by doing this same thing over and over again. I lost my compassionate self at times and cried when it got too severe with emotional burden of being alone at a place where I have no one to rely but myself.

People don't see this, because I hardly open up to anyone. I always have this in mind; for thinking that my problem is too small and insignificant, it cannot be bothered by anyone but myself. I do not want to be looked as a weak twenty-something, who is struggle to make a life. So, smile, laugh, and all my positivity was fake for people around me.

Along the way, when you forget to take care of yourself, and already have no time to care about others, you realize the most brutal fact about living; you will be alone. You will die alone, no one will love you and by the end of the day, you have no one but yourself to love, to care and to look after. You are becoming more realistic about your dream and all the mindless dramas at workplace, at home where people like to throw you in will no longer bother you too much. Your skin is growing thick, and days gone by with you emotionally toughen up.

Am I really changing, or am I growing up? 

It is amazing how fast things changed. A year, a month, a week, a day, an hour, a minute, a second or whatever degree of time, small or big, it can make a difference.